Heart & Home
I’ve been thinking a lot lately of home. I think since my dad passed away last month, it seems to be in my thoughts daily.
I’ve always loved houses and I’m so intrigued by how people decorate a place and make it their own. But I’m not really talking of home decorating. I’m talking about the place we call home. It should be the dearest place of all for our families. Just the other day, we came home from a doctor appointment with Nathaniel. As soon as I walked into the kitchen, I saw Evan sitting at the table typing on the laptop and the other kids coming in to greet us at the door. Suddenly, I felt this tremendous relief…I was home. Everything seemed right with the world.
When we lived at Teen Challenge, we didn’t have a lot, but it always makes me smile when the kids talk about their memories there. They seem not to remember leaky windows or a sagging living room floor, but of all the good times they had while living there. I’ll have to say that when I look back, there is almost a glow about my memories there as well. I get a lump in my throat now when I think about how little they all were then. Those days can’t be lived again.
Sometimes when we drive past an old house that hasn’t been lived in for many years, I will have the saddest thoughts. For a moment I can see children running through the yard and a mother looking out the window with a smile. But now the years have gone by and only an old shell of a house remains. It reminds me that our lives are important right now. Whatever age your children are right now is the time to enjoy those moments that seem to go so quickly.
When my dad passed away, I had this overwhelming desire to go back to my grandparents house (his mom and dad’s home). The house is no longer there, but I wanted to stand on the spot where the front door had been, close my eyes, and imagine that it was Christmas Eve again. If I opened the door, there would be my cousins, my aunts and uncles and my mom and dad and brother. Nothing would have changed.
I think heaven must be a lot like that feeling of coming home. Sometimes I’ve wondered why we can’t have a little glimpse of our loved ones there. But I wonder if part of it might be that once we have seen our real home, we would never want to leave. It must be a place beyond our imagination. I have such joy knowing I have a son there, grandparents, aunts, uncles and now my dad. Someday I’ll walk into that place and hear, “She’s home!” And that makes me know that someday it will be worth it all.